The greatest gifts to give your single self this Christmas

It’s better to give than to receive, right? In that case, this Christmas give yourself exactly what you need. While love from others is necessary, welcomed, and can help you to forget your single status, love for yourself is far more important so while you may be mending a broken heart, pushing past a rocky patch in your relationship, or just enjoying the single life, here are a few things that will make any of those, that much greater:

1.     “You are a Badass” by Jen Sincero. Admittedly this was one of my favorite books this year. It’s an awesome self-help book for those that loathe the term “self-help.”  Jen gets to the nuts and bolts of pushing you past the things that are holding you back from being your most badass self! She takes the kid gloves off, and gives it to you straight. I like her style, and I think you will too (unless you take offense to curse words).

2.     Adult Coloring books. Remember how fun it was to color as a kid? Whether you kept it in the lines, or were a perpetual scribbler, I bet you never recognized the mental health benefits as a child. Coloring can be meditative and it decreases anxiety and increases creativity and you don’t have to be an amazing artist to enjoy it.  There are some fabulous patterns available for adults that will put those cartoon characters you used to color to shame.

3.     Pandora radio subscription.  This is not a completely novel idea, but the reason I suggest the paid version is because we all deserve commercial free music. Pandora’s Calm Meditation Radio is one of my favorites to help me get to Zen. Meditation has some amazing health benefits. Set the timer on your phone, put your headphones in, and sit and focus on your breath for a few undivided minutes per day. You’ll notice a positive shift in your mood, decrease in your stress level, and gain mental clarity. Meditating first thing in the morning can help you start your day off right, and the right music sets the tone.

4.     “Rising Strong” by Brené Brown. Brené Brown is one of my all-time favorite writers. She rocks it in her latest book, which will help you pick yourself up, recognize the power of vulnerability, and change the way you approach relationships. Brené is a fantastic story-teller and researcher. This book is pure gold as it teaches you to own your story about challenges and heartbreak.

5.     An adventure. Once you take the plunge into becoming a badass and rise strong, it’s time for a new adventure! Pick a hobby or that thing you’ve always been curious about and go out and do it. Don’t wait for the perfect person to enjoy said activity with, know that you are ok all on your own, and take your strong, badass self on that hike you’ve always wanted to conquer. Heck, you might even want to join a hiking club, or a watercolor class, or take scuba lessons. Push past your fears and just to diminish the excuses, book that lesson or class as a gift to yourself this Christmas. You’ll be glad you did!

I hope you receive all the gifts you truly deserve this Christmas. My wish is that your holiday will be filled with great connection to people that matter. But don’t wait for others to fulfill your wish list – instead, grab that list by the horns and make it happen for yourself. You’re worth it!

If you could use some extra support through the holiday season and beyond, don’t hesitate to give me a call, (909) 226-6124. I’d love to help you gain the strength you need to push past your relationship struggles and get what you truly want out of life.     

Surviving Engagement Season as a Single

The holiday season is supposed to be all about joy, togetherness, and connection. It can also be a time to feel more lonely and scroogy than ever, especially when you’re single and every jeweler in America decides to roll out their holiday commercials and glorify this time as the perfect season for engagements. While those commercials can be heart warming to some, they can also be heart wrenching for others and serve as a reminder of your singleness. If you fall into the second camp, I have a few tips on how to survive engagement season as a single:

1. Have a plan. Decide to recognize that there are triggers this season that can cause you to feel down about yourself, your relationship, or lack thereof.

Plan your own important events throughout the season. Make sure you've scheduled down time and things that excite and energize you. 

There’s a huge difference between slowly pushing through with your head down, and moving forward with a positive plan and trajectory in mind.

2. Prepare and remove yourself from things that trigger negative thoughts. Fast-forward through those commercials, don’t watch sappy love stories, and stay away from songs that make you want to sing your heart out through bouts of tears. Instead focus on things that are positive mood boosters.

Have you always wanted to try meditation, painting, or that weird dance class at the gym? Do it! Find a class nearby and put it on your calendar. Replace those cry sessions with something that makes you feel great about yourself.

3. Stay aware of your feelings in order to regulate them. If you find yourself having negative feelings about a friend or family member who is getting engaged stop and take a time out. Evaluate your feelings and try to figure out where they are coming from. Is it your own feeling of - things aren't quite where you'd like them to be in your life? If so, make a plan as to what you’ll do when those feelings arise.

Staying aware and having a plan will be the difference between feeling a giant punch in the gut, or a friendly jab on the shoulder, when you watch your cousin get down on one knee and propose to his girlfriend in front of the entire family.

4. Make plans for the future to get you to where you’d like to be. If you would also like to be engaged make a list of things that are stopping you or standing in your way, and then a plan for what you'll do about those things. Do you need a better partner? Are you giving your partner a vibe that you're fearful of marriage? Or do you perceive your partner to be fearful of marriage?

You can’t be engaged if you aren’t dating anyone and serious about the relationship. Healing your own heartache and working on bettering yourself before getting into a new relationship is always the best recommendation and something to focus on when you feel negativity start to creep in.

5. Don’t just accept where you are, own it. If you’re currently struggling to put one foot in front of the other and move forward from a lost relationship, find acceptance in that, but also take ownership of it by choosing not to wallow in it, and continually commit to working through it. Set intentions each day to do at least one thing that will help you move forward.

Connect with a friend. Talk to someone about how you’re moving forward. Commit to doing something that your old relationship might have been holding you back from doing. Focus on yourself and being a whole person so that when you’re ready to meet someone else you have much to offer him or her.

Replacing thoughts of negativity with reminders of what you are doing to move forward will help you remain positive and can even help you to feel like celebrating the love that people you care about are experiencing.

If you’re struggling to push through the season, and would like some support, I’d love to help. You can call me at (909) 226-6124 for a free consultation where we can talk about ways to get you on track towards healing.