That’s probably because what’s happening in your relationship feels like the complete opposite. You don't spend any time together. It’s like pulling teeth to get a date night on the calendar. 

You dread texts and calls from your partner, you physically wince when you see their name on your phone because you dread having to walk on eggshells to avoid a fight or you know one is coming and you’d rather just avoid them altogether. 

This relationship feels awful.

You do anything to avoid fights. You sleep in separate rooms, and only talk when you have a shared activity with family or your kids. You’re just like roommates at this point. The tension builds and builds and explodes over something little. Things erupt and the next thing you know you’re spewing out all the hurt you’ve been holding in over the past couple of weeks, months, and years. You yell and go back and forth and you say so much, but get nowhere. 

Are they even listening? Why can’t they see how much they’ve hurt you? 

These fights are so painful, but you’re almost becoming numb to them. You know that nothing is going to get resolved, when things calm down you talk and make promises, but in a few weeks you’re back to the disconnection and old habits. 

Not only are you disappointed in your partner, but you’re disappointed in yourself. You hate the way you’re being treated and you tell yourself and your partner you’re not doing it anymore, the next time this happens you’re leaving. But the next time comes and you don’t go. 

You tell yourself that you’re just going to let go of the past and promise you aren’t going to bring it up again. You both know these arguments are unhealthy and now you’re talking about the negative impact on your kids together. You tell yourself that things will get better, one of these times the talks and promises have to stick, right? 

One minute you desperately want things to change, and the next, you’ve given up because you’re exhausted from never seeing a change… maybe you’ll just wait it out until the kids go off to college, or maybe you should call your old therapist back. 

No one told you relationships would be this hard! 

If you’re like most of my clients, you don’t just want to be told you need to make time for date nights.  You don’t want to come to therapy every week and rehash the fight of the week. 

You don’t have time for worksheets and random homework assignments, although you’ve done your best in the past to complete them, that just wasn’t your thing, especially when it was too hard to even be in the same room together without things spiraling into an argument about the past. 
You know that things have gone on like this in your relationship for way too long, and you certainly don’t want to hear that you should just get divorced either. You don’t know how much longer you can go on like this, but the thought of calling an attorney and splitting custody of your kids scares the bejeesus out of you. 

You want big changes, and you want them fast. 

You want to feel attracted to your partner, and you want to know that they are attracted to you. You don’t just want the fighting to stop, you want to be heard and understood. You want to be loved, honored, and cherished just like your partner promised you when you said, I do. 

You want your kids to grow up in a household where they know that love means affection and respect, not constant fighting and silent treatment. You want a relationship built on trust and you want a concrete plan on how to restore the trust and feel confident in your commitment to one another. 

You don’t want to wonder what your partner is thinking, and constantly question whether they are looking to get their needs met outside the relationship. You love your partner so deeply. Even with all the hurt, the frustration, and the hopelessness a part of you is still fully committed. You KNOW there is a way… but an hour a week… it isn’t gonna do it. You’ve tried that before and it was such a let down. 

You’ve been there, right? Forty-five minutes of just trying to catch the therapist up on what has been happening and then ding! Time’s up! 

Every week more hurt just builds up and there’s more distance and wounds to manage and you don't know how you’ll ever get to it all, there just never seems to be enough time. You are not alone. This is not your fault. An hour a week isn’t right for all couples and your therapist should’ve told you that. In fact, you may have felt like your therapist was hoping you’d quit. They weren’t really sure how to handle all that you brought to the table. 

For the cost of an attorney’s retainer fee, you could save your marriage.

These intensives are for couples who need help fast.

While gathering your background information and relationship history is important, it doesn't have to take a month to start getting to work because we’ll knock that out in the first couple of hours together since we won’t be pressed for time. 

My clients come away with a sense of accomplishment after their intensives not, “let’s wait and see how this goes for the next couple of weeks.”

They know exactly where they’re going because they leave with a clearly defined plan. 

Make the changes you really want to see in your relationship. No more walking on eggshells, no more worrying about the next blow out fight. Get it all out on the table and start on your road to a truly connected, loving, and passionate relationship.  

Rebuilding a relationship takes time, effort, and energy, but you can gain serious momentum right from the start that will guide you for the remainder of your ride.