5 Reasons to Schedule Sex this Holiday Season

Buy Christmas gifts. Decorate the Christmas tree. Grocery Shopping. Gingerbread house. Cookie baking. Company Christmas Party… and the list goes on. But is sex on the list? Do you have that scheduled this week? 

Most people don’t. It’s not considered sexy by many. However neither is the frustration that comes with a sexless marriage. It may seem like the spontaneity becomes lost in the relationship once you begin scheduling sex, but here are 5 reasons you should be scheduling sex this season: 

1. It gives you something to look forward to.

   Studies show that the anticipation and planning of a vacation create more happiness than the actual vacation itself. I believe that this is because we love having things to look forward to. This season can be busy and stressful, but having a time set aside that you know you and your partner are going to connect physically and emotionally can help alleviate some of that stress.

2. Sex alleviates stress.

   With all that you have on your to-do list this season it can be incredibly stressful, but sex is a physical way to alleviate stress and the added bonus is that you are also connecting with your partner. The cortisol flush you get when you orgasm helps to relieve stress. 

3. The anticipation can be a major turn on.

   When you are anticipating on the connection with your partner and vice versa it can 

   lead to some fun, playful, and racy communication. Fun text messages, flirtation, and 

   physical playfulness is a major turn on that keeps you connected between your 

   scheduled sex session. 

4. Scheduling sex shows that your physical relationship with your partner is a priority.

   We schedule doctor and dentist appointments, and we even leave work early and fight 

   traffic to get there, and those are the things that we don’t even necessarily want to do! 

   When you talk about making your sex life a priority with your partner that 

   communication is connective and lets them know that even though life is busy, it’s not 

   too busy to prioritize the most important relationship in your life. 

5. Scheduled sex often leads to more spontaneous sex.

   I get that you may not always be in the mood, but once you get going it feels like less 

   of a chore, I promise! Having a time to regularly connect physically means that you are increasing those good hormones that sex creates and you’ll likely find yourself wanting sex more often. The female libido is much different than the male libido, and women take a little longer to warm up, so talking about and making sure you have more foreplay before you do the deed will create more satisfaction and enjoyment.

I’m not sure what you’re still doing here - go schedule some sex with your partner! Remember that just because sex is scheduled doesn’t mean it has to be boring or routine. Do things to spice it up, play, and have fun with your partner. 

If you’re having trouble getting things going in the bedroom, and are afraid that there’s issues that are running too deep to even get to a place where you’re able to schedule sex, I totally get it, and I’m totally here for you! Don’t hesitate to reach out and schedule a free, 15-minute phone consultation. 

Let’s Talk About Sex! How Much Should We Be Having?

Is your sex life with your partner like a firework show on the 4th? Or more like a tiny sparkler in the corner of that show? 

Either way, it’s important to know that long-term relationships ebb and flow. Things outside the bedroom change, and can cause some major shifts and changes between the sheets. 

But how much sex should you be having in order to keep that spark going??

Well, I have a short answer, and a long answer, because that seems to be the way my brain likes to roll, and because the short answer inevitably leads to the long answer. 

The short answer is: whatever you and your partner are both comfy with. But this is where communication, trust, and understanding come in (along with my long answer): 

In the beginning of a relationship it’s normal for the sex to be hot, heavy, and happening all the time. But as the relationship progresses, it’s likely that the frequency decreases, and that’s totally normal. The frequency isn’t as important as the quality of the sex. 

If you and your partner are both getting your needs met in the bedroom, and each of you feels like you can be sexually expressive, one time a week of amazing sex can be just as satisfying and connecting as 5 nights of stale or bad sex. 

If you’re in the middle of a sex-slump, ask yourself the following questions: 

• Am I able to talk freely and openly about sex with my partner?  
• Am I able to express myself sexually with my partner? 
• Am I able to talk about fantasy, foreplay, and the things I like and dislike when it comes to sex? 
• Do I feel sexy when I am in bed with my partner – does he/she make me feel wanted? 

If you answered no to any of those questions, the next question is, why? 

If you don’t feel like you’re able to talk openly about sex with your partner, what do you think is stopping you? Are you uncomfortable with it in general, or do you get the feeling that your partner gets a little squirmy when it comes to talking openly? 

If you aren’t able to express yourself sexually, where do you think that comes from? 

If you don’t feel like you can openly discuss foreplay and fantasy, who puts the brakes on the conversation? 

These questions are totally loaded, and feelings of inhibition can come from a couple of different places, but the first place to look is within you. 

We gain so much of who we are sexually from our families of origin, and I’m sure thinking about your family when thinking about sex is that last thing you want to do, but it can hold a lot of answers. 

Messages about sexuality are imprinted and engrained upon us throughout our development, and those messages can sometimes get in the way of healthy sexual relationships in adulthood. 

Was sex dirty and something that should never be spoken of in your home while you were growing up? If so, then it would make sense that you feel uncomfortable when talking to your partner about it. But the key to hot sex is communication. 

When you’re able to understand where the messages you tell yourself about sex come from, you gain the power to change those messages. 

Conversely, if you feel fully comfortable when discussing all-things sex, but are shut down by your partner, then it may be important for them to understand the meaning behind this. 

Sex is about feeling wanted and desired. Which is why sending a racy text message and getting caught up in the fantasy of making love to your partner can be just as titillating as hours of actual love making - because of the desire it creates.  

If your relationship could use a little boost in the sex department, and you feel like having those conversations is super difficult, I’d love to chat with you and see if couples counseling might be a solution. Give me a call, or shoot me an email: (909)226-6124 or Alicia.taverner@gmail.com .