Is a Couples Intensive what you really need this summer?

You know your relationship needs help. 

You know you’re tired of the fighting, the silence, the walking on eggshells. 

You’ve thought about calling for therapy so many times, you’ve clicked through and read everything on my website, but every time you think about booking your consultation you stop. 

You look at your calendar with all the upcoming events you have, and weekly therapy just never seems like a good idea. You don’t have a day every week to devote to the process even though you are SO ready. 

You’re ready for things to change. 

You’re ready to start feeling heard. 

You’re ready to dig deep but you’re also afraid that the process of healing your marriage will take a really long time. 

I get it. I too hate how freaking long healing can take. 

I love my clients and the work we do together, but the truth is: this model hasn’t been working for me either. 

The standard 50 minute sessions often go like this: 10 minutes to catch up and choose what we should work on, 30 minutes of work, an intervention, and intense emotion, 10 minutes to wrap up and summarize what was learned. 

I am so adamant about couples coming to see me on a weekly basis because there’s a lot to cover, and we can’t always wrap sessions up with a pretty bow. Sometimes you’ll have to sit in the discomfort of a cliff hanger until the next session. 

Healing attachment wounds, betrayals, and long-standing negative communication patterns takes hard work and dedication. It also takes consistency. 

Sometimes you just can’t get into the office once a week and that’s why I’ve started doing more intensive work with couples. 

I want you to reach your goals in a shorter period of time. 

Intensives are an accelerated form of therapy that help clients feel better faster. 

No more weekly appointments. No more watching the clock and trying to decide if the issue you’d like to bring up can be covered in the remaining 40 minutes of the session.   

These intensive sessions are so juicy and fruitful. There are no interruptions. No more starting and stopping until next week. 

You know that you’re ready to dig in and get uncomfortable, but rather than dragging it out week by week, for months, you can do it in two, 4 hour sessions or one, 8 hour session, once a month.  

Summer gets busy with travel and kids being out of school but that doesn’t mean that healing your relationship needs to remain on hold. 

Click the here to book your free phone consultation to find out how an intensive can work for you.

What does Ketamine feel Like?

If you’re considering trying Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy (KAP), one of the things you might be wondering is, what does it actually feel like when you are under the influence of the medicine? 

If you’ve never used any type of psychedelic drug recreationally then it’s difficult to have a frame of reference. 

You may have experiences with alcohol, but Ketamine is nothing like alcohol. 

Everyone’s experience is different and the same person can have very different experiences in each Ketamine journey. 

For most people Ketamine feels like a dream-like state. But most agree that they have more of a felt sense in their body than they would in a dream. 

The experience is also not as fleeting as a dream and it’s much easier to remember than a dream. 

There is often a point where people feel a disconnection from their body and an out-of-body experience. 

You might fear losing control. But unlike being under the influence of alcohol, there’s no slurring, telling of secrets, or uncontrollable or unwanted behaviors. 

KAP clients are safe and comfortable lying down with an eye mask and headphones throughout the experience. 

What makes KAP so different from recreational drug experiences is that you’re using the medicine in a controlled setting with the intention of healing. 

Over the last several months I’ve seen some of the most profound changes for clients using KAP as a part of their treatment. Things we’ve been working on for years are clicking, and there’s so much positive forward movement. 

It’s during these out of body experiences and in this dream-like state that many clients experience a feeling of freedom from their self-defeating thoughts and patterns. 

For the first time their minds are completely clear. There’s no questioning of their every move. They don’t have a to-do list, and they aren’t replaying difficult memories or feelings. 

For the first time ever, they can just be. And it’s unlike anything they’ve experienced before. 

Some people become connected to younger parts of themselves that have felt lost and disconnected, and this creates a profound sense of healing. 

Integration sessions following these dosing sessions help clients return to these states without the medicine in their day-to-day lives. 

This allows People to feel like they can let go and move on from traumatic events that have kept them stuck for so long. 

A recent New York Times Op-Doc was released and it depicts the use of KAP for a firefighter and it does a really great job of showing how a ketamine session actually looks. In the documentary they use an IV which is different from the lozenges that my clients are prescribed, but the depiction is very similar. You can watch it here, it’s only 17 minutes long. 

If this sounds like something you’d like to experience for yourself, click the link here and book your free 15-minute phone consultation.  

Should you go to bed angry?

Let's bust a big fat myth today…

I’m sure you’ve heard that the best way to have a great marriage is to never go to bed angry. 

It’s concerning to me that couples will literally stay up all night going around and around with the same argument because they are trying to stick to this rule. 

I dunno about you but that sounds like a one-way ticket to complete exhaustion and a week of trying to make up for lost sleep. 

This rule is damaging because it doesn’t take into account the amount of damage that can be done by continuing to fight when you’re dysregulated. It doesn’t take into account the quality of communication that you’re having. You could be yelling, throwing things, name calling, and giving the silent treatment.

When couples start working with us not only do they learn how to regulate their emotions, but they understand their body’s warning signals that tell them when they are starting to become dysregulated. 

They learn how to call time-outs and how to respect one another’s requests to stop.  They learn how to return to the conversation when they are feeling more in control of their emotions. 

Our couples learn how to have conflict and still feel connected and loving. 

They don’t turn into enemies and they actually come to agreements about the things they are fighting about. 

There’s no more pushing things under the rug, walking on eggshells, or silent treatment. 

If you want to stop having marathon fights and learn how to improve your communication…

Click HERE and book your free 15-minute phone consultation. We’ll get you started with a couples expert and help you stop the marathon fights that go nowhere. 

Avoiding Conflict in Marriage

Are you avoiding conflict in your marriage? 

The other day, my 6-year-old daughter asked me to do a craft with her. I had a whole list of to-dos that I wanted to get done that day, and I knew if I didn’t get started early, I’d never complete all the things on my list.

She begged and pleaded with me, and I gave in. We made an origami sword that she ended up being obsessed with. She said it made her feel so powerful.

I wish I could say it was a great activity and that it was totally worth pushing off my to-do list for.

But unfortunately, that wasn’t the case.

She asked me to do a craft WITH her, but I ended up doing it FOR her. She did some cutting and project management, but it was an involved process that included many folds, multiple papers, and a glue gun. It was not something she could have completed on her own.

I begrudgingly folded and glued, and even though she came with excitement and encouragement, I was resentful.

I felt the annoyance radiating through my body, and it didn’t allow me to show up with an open heart. I was short and uninterested. It wasn’t what she deserved. It wasn’t even her fault. It was mine.

I had said yes when I meant no. The entire project took maybe 30 minutes, but the entire time I was distracted thinking about what I needed to get done before we headed out on our camping trip the next day. I was grumpy and didn’t appreciate her enthusiasm and sweetness.

When it was finished, I totally regretted my withdrawn attitude.

That’s not how I want to show up in my relationship with her.

That’s not how any of us should show up in our relationships, but it’s how I see so many couples show up towards one another. When we say yes when we really mean no, it sets us up to feel resentment, and when we feel resentment, it impacts our mood and the way we approach the other person.

I was withdrawn with my daughter and unappreciative of her excitement.

How many times have you begrudgingly attended an event with your partner and looked for any reason not to have a good time? You might drag your feet and show up late or nitpick the food and criticize the company or even your partner. When we say yes when we mean no, it opens us up to act passive-aggressively, and that actually causes more issues in the long run.

So why do we do it?

Most people do it to avoid conflict.

They also do it to avoid disappointing their partner, and sometimes people do it because they are paying amends for something unrelated that’s happened in the relationship. If you feel like you have to go along with whatever your partner wants to do because you made a mistake in the past, then there’s really no amount of good deeds you can do to fix the situation.

You aren’t showing up authentically, and you’re doing a disservice to your partner and to the relationship. It’s usually a sign that you’re not addressing the issue by having open dialogue and saying all that needs to be said to move towards healing. Healing can come from doing your own inner work or working together as a couple.

If you’re ready to start 2024 with a fresh start and get everything out on the table, we’re here. Click the link below and sign up for a free 15-minute phone consultation with a therapist in Temecula, Rancho Cucamonga, online anywhere in California, or explore California couples retreats and intensives. Let's talk about the best way to help you reach your goals and strengthen your relationship.